I used to be one of those guys that would just lay over and take shit "in the name of love". This last girlfriend sort of put me into check. I love her for it, even though I hate the bitch for the position she put me into. Its kinda messed up in a way, I think im the kind of person that could forgive anything, including cheating. Maybe in a way, if I was being totally honest that might read "..could forgive anything as long as I was getting what I wanted".
We're all a bunch of selfish cocksuckers in one way or another.
I always felt I had to settle with the lesser of two evils, but in the end I learned that having nothing is better than having something you complain about. From now on, I'm either happy with what I have or I'll be shutting the fuck up and dealing with my problem. We always love to bitch about how we dont have what we want or how people dont see us the way we want them too. Our real friends dont care about our problems, they care about our solutions. If we dont take charge of our own problems, we risk becoming a burdon to those around us.
Perhaps at some point along the road I figured out I was in control of my life. I alone, decide right and wrong. I had to take control of my happiness and learn that it was my responsibility to do the things I had to be happy. Remember that old saying "advice is something we ask for when we already know the answer to something but wish we didnt." You already know if you're going to leave that boy or stay with him. You've known the second you asked yourself, its just a matter of you getting up the nerve to pull the trigger on whatever option you initially chose. You fell in love with the guy for a reason. Equally youre falling out of love for another set of reasons. Dont forget the start, when you choose the end.
Lots of people go through life blaming relationship problems on external factors. I gotta tell you, I'm a fucking master of long ass relationships. And blame. I average 3 years per girl and used to think it was always the other persons fault. I soon found out how fucking idiotic that mindset was. It was all my fault, everything. Every last bit of it. The reasons they didnt work out varied, but the one constant was my lack of taking charge of my happiness. I'm not talking about one of those half assed "You're ok, and I'm ok so we're ok" kinda things. I mean really OWNING that happiness and ensuring I was the person I wanted to be. After all, you cant control the other person.
Out of the people I've been dating lately, I dont give them a fucking inch. Thats not to say I dont care about them on an emotional level, I just dont allow them to challenge my core values. Everyone has to believe in something, and I used to belive in some stupid shit that landed me in the position I am today. I guess to be fair in everything, people naturally take advantage of people who allow themselves to be taken in such ways. You'll just have to decide what you want and go get it. People respect those with moral cornerstones in their life; people who wont be pushed off them for anything.
I gotta tell you babe, you need to figure out what makes you, YOU! I won't tell you what to do about this guy because it would be hippocritical for me to give you some idea that he's somehow different than any other guy. When you first told me this story about him, I'm not going to lie, I honestly wanted to see someone drive a fucking truck through his bedroom. The really twisted part about that was, he reminds me of me.
I did all those things he's doing to you know. Every last one of them. Go look him in the eyes and try to imagine you're looking right at me. He's every other guy out there in some way or another. I really want to tell you that running away from him is the right answer. I want to be able to make you know you'll be happy with the next guy. I really wish I was that good of a liar, but I'm not. Your next boyfriend is going to have problems, just like your current one does.
It would be impossible for me to offer you any reasonable explanation as to why I was the way that I was. The only thing I can say is that most of us are running from something. Many of us tuck it away and present a neat little package for everyone to see. Others just have too much in the bucket and are spilling out everywhere they go. Perhaps your mans bucket is just too full. I dont know him that well, but I bet theres something thats making him act that way.
If you want guys to look at you with an ounce of respect, make sure you have a litre of it for yourself. Do not bend, do not be swayed and never let a guy manipulate you into a situation you know in your heart is wrong. My only advice to you would be to take a look around you and pay close attention to who is in your life. Those people love you for you, not for the person you pretend to be to make them happy. In the end, look at the beginning. Whatever decision you make, dont forget that person you fell in love with at the start. They, in a wierd sort of way, will haunt you for the rest of your life. Make sure the haunting is a good one. Remember the things you expeirienced and loved about them. Seperations, however heartbreaking, should be based on mutual love.
Good luck.
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